Despite my urging to the contrary, I have one friend that has gone completely loony over a boy while the other is swearing them off forever. They both text me, call me and drunk dial me urging me to listen to a new predicament that reaffirms their position while interrogating me for answers on what to do next.
I will never understand why folks ask for advice that they have absolutely no intention of paying attention to. Personally, I have a strong aversion of learning the lessons the hard way, but once solicited for my opinion, I have learned that it’s better to simply refer the asker to classic television versus throwing pearls before swine.
Allow me to explain. I grew-up in front of a television set and I have found that there is not a single question that could not be answered from watching shows like Gilligan’s Island, Bewitched or even my new favorite classic, Hannah Montana. This is especially true in romantic entanglements and the zany antics to which love invokes. This is especially true because of witty scripts, a studio audience and built in laugh tracks. All of which are far more entertaining than listening to friends complain about their love lives or lack thereof.
I am a believer that I am a bountiful bevy of wisdom, but it seems that most don’t learn through the trials and tribulations of another; or else the whole world would be a little wiser thanks in part to Hollywood icons like Liz Taylor or even your favorite afternoon soap opera. If we all attained one iota of information from the above examples, every relationship would produce a perfume deal…and we could all avoid satanic possession.
And while the latter is probably not ideal, Marlena did eventually end up with John Black …after he renounced his priestly vows once he exorcised the demon from her.
While I am in favor one hundred percent of falling in love as many times as it takes until you get it right, there is a difference of doing it the right way and being as wrong as the devil on a Sunday. Before you go throwing your head at someone, pay attention to any warning signs that maybe flashing, trying to get your attention by investing in some quality cable programming from a syndicated series.
For instance, age may just be a number, but when it comes to falling for someone, there is a gigantic difference in a few years versus centuries. Buffy is our prime example. Although Angel was broody and hot in ways that only vampires can be, she ultimately knew that he could never relate to her, after all, she was a teenager and he was 270 years old. I believe he loved the “idea” of her. And by “idea”, I don’t mean her adolescent brain, I mean her eighteen year old ass and perky…personality.
As for my friend who has given up on men, I would ask, “Did Fran give up on Maxwell even after four seasons and three kids that weren’t her own?” No. She did not. She continued to wear those tacky short skirts, tease him (and her hair) while laughing in that nasal way until he told her he loved her…and then took it back.
But like all good classic Hollywood love stories, he finally married her.
We find lessons in the most unlikely of places. Every once in awhile when you're having trouble sleeping, I urge you to microwave some popcorn, pour a cocktail and prop a couple pillows behind your back and learn a few of them from watching late night televison.
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