I meet a lot of random people every week and it is my goal to be best friends with them all by the end of a typical Saturday night. Lately, a lot of my newly random best friends will ask my opinion on current dating issues affecting them. One inevitable question that always comes up is, “Should I sleep with someone on the first date?”
Read this carefully and underline it if you feel that I am being somehow vague in my statement. I do not advocate random hookups. There is no wiggle room in this. However, I feel that I should point out that, while there are no excuses, there might be an exceptions category.
It is entirely unacceptable to pound back a few drinks and pick up the loser at the end of the bar right before closing time and simply chalk it up the next day to feeling “emotionally vulnerable”. All the soap in the entire metro area will not wash away that kind of shame and perhaps an STD. So I beg you to understand that large quantities of Jager bombs have a way of skewing up sound judgments.
Now at this time, I think we should all say a small prayer of thankfulness that our lives do not parallel the life of Tara Reid. If you have to pause due to a memory lapse over the course of last weekend, then I urge you to watch her riveting performances in Taradice, (now cancelled, but lives on in cyberspace). Now ask yourself, if you really want to be that girl.
So picture this. It is a first date and Mr. Perfect is looking at you from across the table after an hour long conversation about the need to save the dolphins or his weekly commitment to reading to blind and orphaned children while juggling a successful medical practice. John Meyer is playing softly in the background and the sexual tension is so thick that you need a knife to cut it. Before you leave to follow him back to his eco-friendly, but professionally decorated downtown loft for what is sure to be a night of life altering, mind blowing, carnal yet intimate love making pleasure…Decide if it is worth it should this turn out to be just sex.
For most women, sex happens between the ears. It is everything leading up to the naked, sweaty part that is most important. In contrast, for most men, sex is the two and a half minutes right before he puts his clothes back on and promises to call the next day. True, there are those urban legions that women tell one another where a one-night stand eventually ended in matrimony, but having never experienced this; I have to rely instead on the 150 years of collective dating wisdom from my friends and myself. There has never been a single one-night stand (with a pre-conceived expectation of any sort of longevity) that ended in anything other than harsh exfoliating, weeks of guilt, feelings of self-inadequacy, stalking or penicillin.
Contrary to the popular belief, I am not a prude. I love sex and would like to have it on a semi-regular basis, but on this issue, I’m going to leave it in your capable hands and most importantly, your heart. If you find yourself asking if it’s OK to have sex at first sight, ask yourself if you’re Ok if it’s just that.
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