The trouble with ordinary...

          Growing up, my family lived in an average house in a pretty average town.

The town of Prestonsburg, Kentucky was not large enough to be a full-fledged city, but was not really small enough to make it one of those quaint little towns that you might see on postcards that make you think of places like Mayberry.  Our town had a couple movie theatres, a few strip malls, three McDonalds and even a Wal-mart.  It was a place devoid of any kind of claim to fame. 

There wasn’t a giant ball of yarn that beaconed motorists that drove though to stop in and snap photos.  It wasn’t the birthplace of some celebrity that came back from time to time and the people that lived in our town were not rich.  They had ordinary jobs and led ordinary lives.  All of my friends, being born to average parents, were of course, average as well.  I was surrounded by average folks that did nothing overly extraordinary on a day to day basis.  They got up, went to jobs, came home and lived quiet lives behind picket fences that lined manicured lawns in which they mowed every Saturday.

Surrounded by all this ordinary, there was never any expectation to be anything else than just that.  Ordinary.  Average.  Everyday.

While there is essentially nothing wrong with any of those, I grew up believing that I was just that.  I was not tall or short.  I was not especially gifted at sports, nor was I ever on the honor roll.  It seemed to me that there is something comforting in ordinary.  It somehow feels safe to simply blend in.

It wasn’t until my ordinary existence unraveled that I realized how mundane mediocrity really is.  In losing my life of ordinary, I learned to expect extraordinary.  I took one step into the abyss of uncertainty, and now I not only expect exceptional, I anticipate amazing.  Had I not left those things that were usual, I would have known just how unusual that I am.

I love watching scary movies but then I have to sleep with a night light because I am terrified of the dark.

I can spin both my arms all the way around at the elbow and then bend them at the same time.

I love being the center of attention and after years of never telling anyone how I really felt, I have somehow found my voice.

This boy from normal has discovered phenomenal, fabulous and stupendous.  I now refuse less than marvelous.  Although an ongoing work in progress, I am an amazing reflection of divine perfection and the only thing that is still ordinary is that everyday is full of infinite opportunities for new experiences, new lessons and new insights.

I will not be your cliché.  I will not be your version of what you think I should be nor will I be labeled by your conventions and traditions.

With all the wonder and awe around me, I, like so many others are often asked to comply with conformity, to somehow settle for common…and lamentably, most do.

But to those that ask this of me, I simply say, “No.”

Sex at first site?

     I meet a lot of random people every week and it is my goal to be best friends with them all by the end of a typical Saturday night.  Lately, a lot of my newly random best friends will ask my opinion on current dating issues affecting them.  One inevitable question that always comes up is, “Should I sleep with someone on the first date?”

Read this carefully and underline it if you feel that I am being somehow vague in my statement.  I do not advocate random hookups.    There is no wiggle room in this.  However, I feel that I should point out that, while there are no excuses, there might be an exceptions category.

It is entirely unacceptable to pound back a few drinks and pick up the loser at the end of the bar right before closing time and simply chalk it up the next day to feeling “emotionally vulnerable”.   All the soap in the entire metro area will not wash away that kind of shame and perhaps an STD.  So I beg you to understand that large quantities of Jager bombs have a way of skewing up sound judgments. 

Now at this time, I think we should all say a small prayer of thankfulness that our lives do not parallel the life of Tara Reid.  If you have to pause due to a memory lapse over the course of last weekend, then I urge you to watch her riveting performances in Taradice, (now cancelled, but lives on in cyberspace).  Now ask yourself, if you really want to be that girl.

So picture this.  It is a first date and Mr. Perfect is looking at you from across the table after an hour long conversation about the need to save the dolphins or his weekly commitment to reading to blind and orphaned children while juggling a successful medical practice.  John Meyer is playing softly in the background and the sexual tension is so thick that you need a knife to cut it.  Before you leave to follow him back to his eco-friendly, but professionally decorated downtown loft for what is sure to be a night of life altering, mind blowing, carnal yet intimate love making pleasure…Decide if it is worth it should this turn out to be just sex.

 For most women, sex happens between the ears.  It is everything leading up to the naked, sweaty part that is most important.  In contrast, for most men, sex is the two and a half minutes right before he puts his clothes back on and promises to call the next day.  True, there are those urban legions that women tell one another where a one-night stand eventually ended in matrimony, but having never experienced this; I have to rely instead on the 150 years of collective dating wisdom from my friends and myself.   There has never been a single one-night stand (with a pre-conceived expectation of any sort of longevity) that ended in anything other than harsh exfoliating, weeks of guilt, feelings of self-inadequacy, stalking or penicillin.

Contrary to the popular belief, I am not a prude.  I love sex and would like to have it on a semi-regular basis, but on this issue, I’m going to leave it in your capable hands and most importantly, your heart.  If you find yourself asking if it’s OK to have sex at first sight, ask yourself if you’re Ok if it’s just that.

Lessons that we learn as children

     I read someplace, most likely on the back of a bumper while sitting in traffic, that youth is wasted on the young.  O the little pearls of wisdom that people choose to plaster on the backsides of their automobiles!

     In our infancy most of us learn basic skills needed to forge through the rest of our lives and with some degree of fortuitousness, the majority of our appendages will still be attached.  Many times, in the microcosm of our childhood, we master small lessons that help to define the tiny world in which we live.

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day…and especially if there is a prize somewhere in the box.” 

“If you fall down, get back up as quickly as possible and get a band-aid.”

“Ask as many questions as annoyingly as possible until you get everything figured out.”

“Look twice before crossing the street and then call once you get where you’re going.”

And probably the most important lesson we learn as children is “When everything hurts, a kiss from your mother usually makes everything better.”

     All these rules and lessons however, seem to escape us once we become adolescents and much of  the wisdom gained is completely thrown out once the pubic hair grows in.  Our parents’ little angels, suddenly morph into monsters overnight while they sleep safely behind their bedroom door.  Play dates, T-ball, and make believe are replaced by tantrums, speeding tickets and a blatant disregard for any form of perceived authority.

     My folks were patient while I kicked and screamed my way through this phase with what I now see as the patience of Job and just like him, they suffered through while clinging to a small glimmer of hope that “this too shall pass.”

     Recently, my friend found out that he is HIV positive.  He is twenty years old.  Although this is no longer an immediate death sentence, his life will forever be changed in inconceivable ways.

     Each week, as you read this and get a peek into my life and social circles, please remember the lessons we learn as children that keep us out of harm’s way.

“Don’t run with scissors.”

“Never play with fire.”

“Don’t talk to strangers.”

And “Even if it taste good, too much of anything, will give you a stomach ache.”

     Sex is amazing and wonderful and...well, it's a lot like pizza, because even if it's bad, it is still kinda good.  However, too much of anything can leave you feeling sick.  So be careful and protect yourself.  You are your own best friend and besides your mom, no one will ever love you as much, so take care that the lessons learned in your youth are not wasted.